Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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