I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
