My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
