I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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