Soap is not a condiment
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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