Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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