My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You dont lie about slip and slides
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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