i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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