It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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