When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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