I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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