also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
