Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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