i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize