Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
