Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
either way he was missing a nipple.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
