I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
