I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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