put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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