just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
