whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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