she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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