So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
