I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
