i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
