how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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