I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Every concussion has its silver lining
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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