oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
vagina is talking i cant
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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