i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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