Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
