bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
