All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
as a side note pls kill me
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