peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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