I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize