He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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