My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize