I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
