my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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