.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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