it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
