How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
