so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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