Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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