That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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