I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
