I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
that is very illegal...i love you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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