Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You ruined the universe
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
