Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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