Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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