I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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