Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
