3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
