they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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