Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
