we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
