woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
