Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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