We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
