What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
farters have to be the big spoon...
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
