he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
