Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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