Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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